I am 40

Two weeks ago I celebrated my 40th birthday. The day was perfect; I had a lazy morning, set up a new drum kit, and went for a delicious Portuguese dinner with my husband and son.

To complement my birthday celebrations, I requested that people on The Internet send me a letter via email that I would open on my birthday. The Internet did not disappoint: I received 20 letters, some from strangers, some from newsletter subscribers, some from friends, and each one was delightful to read. I replied to every single one.

---

Some letters were written in the style of my newsletter, Weird Wide Web Hole. This was incredible to experience:

---

The letters also said some wonderful things:

Your presence on the web, your posts, your videos, your live streaming, your you-ness is so very refreshing and enjoyable. You inspire so many of us to be our best at whatever it is we're doing.

I don't know you that well, but I see you on Bluesky and it looks like you create fun things. The world needs more fun people creating fun things.

---

An Internet Friend who became an IRL friend this year (despite living very far away) gifted me with these beautiful words:

I'm so absurdly grateful that you've come into my life in a genuine way this past year. I still don't know that I can express to you how crazy it is that I have looked up to someone on the internet for years, admired your work, the incredible things you find for your newsletter, the way you teach and present yourself in public regard with such genuine-ness - never trying to hide or dampen your personality, and then one day I was just able to text you about life and hear about what yoga class you're going to this week.

It's a fucking delight and the world is a magical place AND what an honor it is to have a friend that I look up to and admire and want to become more like as I develop in my own career and as a human.

They also shared one of their favourite poems with me:

As usual, we're drunk with Love today. Evict your thoughts and find a song to play. Prayers and devotions come in countless shapes and sizes. Pick the ones the beauty in your soul recognizes.

I want to share an excerpt of my reply to this one:

Thank you for your kind, sweet words. I have a secret for you, though. Well perhaps it's not a secret. But I'm not special, really. Not on my own. It's the people around us that make us special, the connections we form, the communities we create, and the relationships we nurture and cultivate. Without you in my life I would be less good. So read all of that stuff you wrote and direct it inward towards your heart and your light. Your soul will recognise the beauty and love in those words; they are yours, so they are yours.

Life is a journey towards discovering one's true strength; not being "better" or "more this" or "more that". We are all the universe. We all have infinite love and wisdom inside of ourselves. We just need to work a little to find it, to experience it, and to share it with others. And that "work" is just living another day, seeing other things, connecting with other souls, breathing and basking in gratitude for what we have been blessed with by the particles in the sky.

---

I also received a letter from an old school friend who, coincidentally, also ended up working as a developer and has been secretly watching me on The Internet for some time:

I just wanted to let you know I'm really glad to see you kicking ass in the tech world. I always knew you'd go on to do big things.

---

Internet Friends who have lived through their 40s were gracious to gift me their wisdom:

A warm congrats on reaching this epic milestone! I'm speaking to you from 10 years in the future, where I recently turned 50. For some, turning 40 can fill one with existential dread. But for most of my 40s I felt it was the best time of my life, despite everything going on in the world. I felt like I finally knew what I was doing professionally. I felt the joy of being a parent.

If I had one regret it would be that I didn't take better care of my health. When you're young it's easy to think you're going to live forever. But by the time you're my age, it all starts slowly (or sometimes quickly) falling apart. The aches and pains start to compound, parts of your body are just like "fuck this". At least, that's been my experience. My birthday wish for you is that you are happy and healthy and can avoid being on a first name basis with multiple medical specialists for as long as possible.

Your 40s are awesome. And you are awesome. So I have no doubt that you will thrive. I can't speak for your 50s though. I'll let you know in 10 years.

---

And another:

We only met recently and briefly but as someone who is nearing 50, I wanted to take a minute to tell you how rad your 40s are. I dreaded being 40 but it's been the BEST decade. Here are 3 reasons:

• You are kinder to yourself and start to like yourself a bit more. 40s me is far superior to 30s me in every aspect. This might just be down to perception but even if it is, it's working.

• You become a bit invisible but this is not always a bad thing. I've done a lot of solo travelling in every decade, and in my 40s, it stopped being an issue that I was a woman on my own walking through souks or being out at night on my own. Take a book with you to dinner and own your space.

• You genuinely stop giving a fuck about whether anyone likes you or if you're wearing the right clothes or living the right life. I know you've been saying you don't give a fuck for years now but you secretly have up until this point.

Wishing you a lovely day and a glorious decade ahead.

I replied:

This part really stuck with me: I know you've been saying you don't give a fuck for years now but you secretly have up until this point.

Honestly, I can feel the secret fucks that were so embedded within me starting to fall away. You're right, they were there during my 30s. I was looking towards this date for a whole year, thinking that perhaps it was the end of something. Perhaps I thought it was the end of me as I knew me. But through changing ingrained thought patterns around so many things over the last year in preparation for this milestone, it is feeling more and more like a beginning every second. I think I know what they mean when they say life begins at 40 now.

And I'm looking forward to becoming a bit invisible. I can't wait for the day I can "leave The Internet" and just live. I took a day off work on Friday for my birthday, as I always like to spend some time alone. And I felt so human not sitting at a desk and just being out in the world. I want more of that. I want all of that all of the time.

I have definitely started to like myself more over this last year. I am giving myself more grace, being less hard on myself, living more in the present and I've stopped chasing things that are not worth chasing.

I can't wait to see what the next 10 years brings; and I can't wait to pass down your advice coloured with my own experience.

---

And finally, a short and simple reminder from an Internet Friend:

At 40 it all begins to continue.

Thank you, Internet. I love you.